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Wit and Wisdom


Political Mystery Tour

Posted on May 31, 2011 at 12:00 PM
Hoping to regain some of the spotlight stolen by Sarah Palin’s secret bus tour--she refuses to tell reporters exactly where she’s going on her “One Nation” tour of the Northeast this week--other GOP presidential hopefuls have commenced their own mysterious travels.

Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty today launched a “One Transfer” public transportation tour of downtown Minneapolis, planning to hop from one city bus to another in a random pattern sure to leave even seasoned transit reporters scratching their heads.

Mitt Romney plans to rely on his personal wealth to criss-cross the country on a series of private jet rides, in the process buzzing beloved national sites like the Grand Canyon and the Alamo.  He threatens to instruct his pilots to “engage and destroy” any media aircraft that fly too close in pursuit.

Herman Cain will be touring Godfather Pizza franchises all week.  His campaign claims his goal is not to confuse the media as to his whereabouts, but no member of the working press could be found that knows the location of a Godfather’s Pizza.

Former ambassador to China Jon Huntsman will make history with an American political barnstorming tour conducted entirely on the territory of a foreign nation.  Huntsman, who is fluent in Chinese, invited reporters to follow him through the teeming streets of China’s booming cities, but warned them he’d maintain a strenuous pace and frequently backtrack through alleys and private gardens.

Rick Santorum, the conservative former Pennyslvania senator, will continue his stumping through Iowa and New Hampshire, but said he’d be playing late-night hide-and-go-seek at his overnight motel accommodations.  He challenged reporters to find him among the lightly-used exercise equipment in the fitness room or between the drink and candy machines just off the lobby.

Categories: Republican Presidential Primaries

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